I woke up on my 35th birthday feeling “grown.” Finally. I don’t know what happened, but I suddenly felt bona fide as a woman, and I began making bigger decisions with bigger consequences. Instead of needing my decisions validated by everyone and their mom, I’ve been listening to my intuition. 

In this new era, I have learned two things: following your intuition will lead to what is best for you but not necessarily easiest, and the intuition has always been there, I just wasn’t tuned into the right channel.

In the last couple of months, I have been more intentional about checking in with my intuition, specifically my Higher Self. From my understanding, the Higher Self is the Divine version of me. It is the God-self that knows the manual and watches the monitor but allows me to remain in control. I believe it’s all One, so there isn’t truly a difference, but it’s hard for me to conceptualize the God of the Universe giving me advice on weight loss and being upset about the state of my neighbors’ grass.

So I get into a space and envision the both of us sitting across from each other, me and a more vague version of me with long nails. I ask my question and then see what comes to me. It’s not always easy to get into that space, and I’m not always there in my mind’s eye. Sometimes, I alredy feel connected and don’t do any of that. What I hear is like an intrusive thought that I can choose to believe is divine or not; which seems to sum up the entire process of a spiritual journey, honestly.

Now that I’m familiar with the voice of my Higher Self, I know I have been hearing it and ignoring it all my life. Here are four significant moments when the message came through loud and strong.

1. Who I Would Marry

I remember the day I met my husband. There was a zing. I was drawn to him as he did his best not to show interest in me. Despite the spark, I had no expectation we would be more than work friends. Fast forward two years. I was drunk on his dad’s boat on a lake in Oklahoma. It was one of those days that felt perfect for no reason. 

I said, “How does it feel to know you’re gonna marry me someday?” He said, “I’ve known that for a long time.” This was a strong impression more than a voice, and the voice is more like an intrusive thought. I hadn’t been thinking about us or anything. I was just lying there on a bench on the pontoon with my boyfriend and his dad.

So at that moment, I knew we would marry. I knew that didn’t mean it would be a fairytale, but I knew it was going to be. My husband doesn’t remember how or when he knew besides when I didn’t freak out after not hearing from him for an entire day of a drunken golf tournament. 

Despite this, when my husband joined the Army, I debated whether I should marry him, hard. Because I didn’t want to be a military spouse. I thought I just had a feeling that day because it was a good day, but now I see it was more.

2. Leaving Christianity

Skip ahead six years. I went to a group mediation in October 2019. I had heard about this transformative, cathartic experience from a Facebook friend so I went for myself. I didn’t have the same experience, but I did have a weird visualization that confused me. The following week, I browsed the facilitator’s website, considering paying for a psychic reading for more insight on the visualization, except as a Christian, I knew psychic readings were no-nos, so I was justlooking. 

Tarrying, I read the psychic’s bio. She talked about her life and how she spent six years involved in a church community in her twenties and then “moved past the Christ-consciousness.” I had an intense feeling that this would be me. It was like a “That’s So Raven” moment where a future scene flashed before her eyes. 

This scared me. Even though I had expanded my lens of spirituality and how to practice Christianity, I had no intention of leaving the faith that I had personally identified with since age six.

What is interesting about this experience is that I haven’t been able to find the specific verbiage in her bio again. Maybe the “move past the Christ-consciousness” was spoken to me. I remember those exact words because when I learned the colloquial definition of “Christ-consciousness” later I thought it was interesting she mentioned moving past that because most non-religious, spiritual people I come across still venerate Jesus Christ in a sense and want to practice Christ-consciousness. But I know in the psychic’s biography, she used it to describe her immersive church experience.

Right after I had the experience on the website, I pulled way back on my spiritual explorations and went into a three-day fast, then fasted weekly for months and followed a bible in-a-year reading plan to try to get back to what had called me in in the first place. But the Christian paradigm never really captivated me again. It was another year and a half before I accepted that I had to walk away from Christianity. It was another year and a half after this premonition before I acceptedthat I had to walk away from Christianity. 

3. On the Wrong Track

A month later, I was self-publishing my first book. I enjoyed finishing the book and thought I made something people could really use. I had a plan for two more books related to my military spouse experience regarding rush weddings and PCS moves.

Taking the book from a Word document to electronic publishing ready was nearly the most frustrating project I have ever worked on. The relief of completing it was exquisite. My state of mind was relief and optimism about my plan. 

I remember parking on the side of the road across the street from the duplex I lived in and suddenly thinking, “This is the wrong path.” I was devastated. I truly was. In August 2018, I quit my job to pursue entrepreneurship. Here it was November 2019, and I still wasn’t rich. And now I had to start all over…again.

4. Second Baby’s Name

I was pregnant in 2022 and had undertaken several home DIY projects to be completed by the Gender Reveal party in June. It was a big day for me except I had accidentally seen the sex when the sun hit the envelope just right on our way home from the ultrasound. 

The end of that whole day was welcomed. My husband was ecstatic we were having a second son. I was happy my Escape Room and Pinterest food had come together, and I walked around relieved. I was slowly putting things away, and as I walked through the door to the room the party was in, I heard “Royce.” 

Again, it was like an intrusive thought. I wasn’t thinking about names, and I hadn’t had any names because I had faith I was having a daughter. I also had not known anyone to have the name Royce besides a woman on Basketball Wives when it came out in 2013 and I didn’t like her. 

I told my husband and we started our list of names. We added other one-syllable names. One family member suggested “Trace” which seemed just as strong. Royce remained at the top but we were still open. 

Then one day I watched a YouTube video about kids remembering their past lives. I saw a comment about a woman whose three-year-old daughter told her that she and her great-grandmother chose the woman’s name in Heaven and whispered it to her mother. After I read that, I told my husband the baby’s name was “Royce.” I realized it wasn’t just a thought, I was told his name.

Those were four distinct times I recall receiving a message from above with significant outcomes. I know there have been many more times, and probably more times as significant as these I just haven’t yet realized. Now that I have expanded my consciousness and increased my ability to trust my intuition, I have heard this voice often and over less important things like how to approach cleaning my kids’ playroom. I regularly think back on my journey to this awareness. I used to feel so walled off from the knowledge I sought.

I’m biased because this is my story and because I’m demonstrably interested in this topic, but I’m hopeful my experience will inspire someone else to explore their own intuition or Higher Self, or even to expect more from their connection with God. We are always connected. I think life is about conceptualizing that.